It was the Saturday I had been looking forward to all week. Dan was gone and I had the place to myself. I had no commitments or plans. All week, I had been looking forward to having this time to relax.
But now that it was here, I was feeling the exact OPPOSITE. Instead of relaxed and peaceful, I was feeling tense and agitated. I felt discombobulated, irritated and antsy. I couldn’t settle down or settle in with myself. I wanted to check out – either by getting busy with work or plopping on the couch and watching movies.
Except I was so discombobulated, I couldn’t even do THAT!
I hated feeling this way. This was NOT the way I had wanted the day to go. Some part of me felt like the teenager I once was – the one who regularly loathed or even hated herself. Who wondered “what’s WRONG with me?” Who tried to be like anyone BUT herself.
Frustrated, I finally did the only thing I knew to do. I kept the promise I made to God years ago.
It was a promise I had made on a day not unlike this Saturday. I call it “coming anyway.” On that day years ago, God asked me to come sit in Her presence, love and grace. I was to do this no matter what was happening or how I was feeling.
If I was feeling angry, pressured, or stressed, I was asked to come anyway.
If I felt overwhelmed, anxious or terrified, I was invited to come anyway.
If I felt unacceptable or unlovable, I was instructed to come anyway.
Even when I felt happy, excited, confident, motivated and the like, the invitation was the same.
It was an invitation to come to God AS I am, WHERE I am – no matter what. To let myself be unconditionally loved and supported by the Creator and Source of Life.
Through the years, there are days when I have felt like ignoring the invitation to “come anyway”. And there are some days when I actually did. But now they are few and far between.
I have learned that “coming” and sitting in God’s grace is the ONLY thing that truly heals and empowers me. This is true when I am judging, avoiding or loathing myself. It’s also true when I’m hyperactive, frenzied, racing ahead to the future with actions, plans and fears.
As for when I’m feeling happy, peaceful and content – thinking I don’t NEED to take the time? That’s when “coming anyway” is even more essential.
In practice, “coming anyway” means I simply sit still, in God’s presence – itches, bitches, twitches and all. Despite any inner or outer tumult I may be feeling. And sometimes it includes having a conversation with God using my journal.
Those conversations often begin with me ranting about whatever is going on with me. But they always end with me LISTENING to what God wants to say. What God wants me to know, remember, experience or learn.
So this is what I did that Saturday morning when I felt out of sorts a few weeks ago. And when I opened up my journal, the message God had for me came through like a love letter.
I was re-reading it this morning when I realized that I needed to share it with you, my friend. Because you might need to hear it today as much as I did that Saturday morning.
So here it is, my friend – straight from my journal. God’s message for YOU as well as for me.
My dear one…
Always remember that you are BEAUTIFUL. Inside and out, you are simply dazzling.
How could you not be when I made you in my own image? You are my work of art – my masterpiece.
I’ve ALWAYS known this. I’ve ALWAYS seen this. I will ALWAYS see your beauty, no matter what you do.
But you’re the one who forgets. Who doubts it. Who thinks you have to be someone other than who you are – right in this moment – to be beautiful. To be loved.
There is NO way you are “supposed” to be, my dear, other than who you are.
And I know that sometimes you’re not sure who that is, but that’s the fun of life. You get to discover it. And I’m your guide and biggest supporter.
You are BEAUTIFUL, my dear.
Right here. Right now.
Take a breath. Let that in.
All my love…
The reason I wanted to share this message is because so many of the women I work with secretly doubt their worth, beauty, and lovability. They try to hide the parts of themselves (and their lives) that they judge to be unacceptable. That they feel embarrassed or ashamed about.
It may be their physical appearance. It may be the house they live in, the place they work or the car they drive. It may be the low balance in their bank account or the high balance on their credit cards. Or it may be the income they declare each year on taxes.
They think their beauty, value or worth is a function of these externals. Of what they have and what they do. So when the externals are not what they want, they hide and hide out. Only it doesn’t solve the problem. It doesn’t fix their financials nor does it help them feel better about themselves.
I know, because it didn’t help me.
And it won’t help you, my friend. That’s why I wanted to share that message with you. It’s also why I want to pass on to you the same invitation I received years ago.
I invite you to “come anyway”.
No matter what’s happening, no matter what you’re feeling, no matter how you feel about yourself. COME ANYWAY.
Let the God who created you love you. AS you are. WHERE you are.
Because how much money you make, what you do or what you have is not what makes you beautiful or valuable or worthy.
You were beautiful, valuable and worthy the day you were born.
And you’re beautiful, valuable and worthy today.
Right here. Right now.
All my love~