I was afraid the answer would be “NO”…
“Did you ask God?” my coach asked.
“Ask God about what?” I queried.
“If you should be flying to LA today for the retreat?” Pat replied.
“Of course I’m coming to LA. Why wouldn’t I?” I shot back, feeling puzzled AND defensive.
“But did you ask God?”
Here’s the back story. It was a Monday morning and I was parked at a rest stop for a scheduled coaching call. I was driving to Milwaukee to catch my flight to LA and the Game Changers retreat with Jeffrey Van Dyk.
Two days before, I started coming down with a cold. I immediately scaled back my activities so I could rest. I took extra supplements to boost my immune system. And I texted Pat requesting she send Reiki energy to help me get well.
By Monday, I felt much better. Just some lingering congestion and a slight sore throat.
“Did you ask God if it is in your best interest to fly to LA with a cold?”
“I hardly feel sick today. Why wouldn’t I go?”
“BUT DID YOU ASK GOD?” Pat persisted.
“No.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think I needed to.”
“Go deeper,” she replied.
Frustrated, I took a deep breath. .
“The truth is, I didn’t THINK of asking God. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have wanted to because I’m really attached to being in LA.”
Later, as I continued my drive to Milwaukee, I was thinking of our conversation when it hit me.
“What if there’s another reason for me to not go to LA, completely unrelated to my cold?” I wondered.
“What if the cold was how God was trying to get my attention? What if the plane crashes and I’m on it – all because I refused to check in and ask?”
These were some of the scary scenarios that began playing in my mind.
When I got to the airport, everything went like clockwork. The total time it took me to park remotely, check my bag and get through security was less than 20 minutes. I took this as a “sign” that I was still supposed to go. Yet still I didn’t ASK.
I was sitting at my gate with more than 30 minutes before boarding began. I couldn’t use “not enough time” as an excuse. Reluctantly, I pulled out my laptop to have an “Active Imagination” dialogue with God. Here’s an excerpt…
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Me: Hey God! I realize that I am really attached to going to LA this week. I’ve been afraid to check in with you because I’m afraid you are going to say “NO”. And I don’t want to miss out.
Please help the part of me that is afraid of missing out. Help me to want whatever You have planned for me – even if it’s different than what I’ve planned. Please help me to be unattached. .
(I remember taking a LONG, SLOW, deep breath at this moment.)
Me: Is it in my best interest – and in your best interest for me – to leave for LA now as originally planned?
(There was a long pause as I waited.)
God: I WANT you to be in LA this week Teresa. More importantly, I wanted you to have this experience of ASKING. And of realizing that, more than you think, I want you to have what you want.
I also want you to trust that you can check with me on everything without fear. Because many more times than you expect, I will say “YES” to you. And when I do say “no” or “not now” it’s only because I have something better in store for you.
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If you’re like me and the women I work with, I’m going to guess that you, too, have a hard time trusting what God/Source wants for you. You may find it hard to believe that it is the same thing you want – or something BETTER. Like me that day in Milwaukee, you may not ask because you fear that the answer will NOT be the one you want to hear.
It’s hard to give up a sense of being in control, isn’t it? Yet that need to control can keep you pushing, struggling, going it alone, and stressing out. Unnecessarily. Trying to MAKE things happen. And living in fear, guilt, overwhelm, dread, pressure and shame – even if you don’t like to admit it and try to hide it.
If I’m describing you, then what I experienced that day in Milwaukee could be as life-changing for you as it was for me.
What I learned that day is that when I don’t ask because I expect or fear “NO”, I do not give myself the opportunity to hear “YES”.
Hearing that “YES” might be as huge for you as it was for me. Especially if some part of you believes that you are not important. That what you want and need isn’t important. That you aren’t good enough or don’t deserve to have all that the Divine wants for you. All of which is emphatically NOT true.
God ended our dialogue that day in Milwaukee with these words….
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G: Now, Teresa, go and ENJOY your trip. Truly ENJOY it knowing that it is what I want for you as well. That it is EXACTLY where I want you to be.
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And I did. No hesitation. No fear. No guilt. No doubt.
And that, my friend, is what I want for you…
For you to feel FREE to enjoy yourself, your life and the blessings you are given. For you to wholeheartedly WANT what God wants for you – whatever that is.
For you to say “YES” God and let God say “YES” to you!
Because the Divine Dream for you (and our world) is always better than the ones we have for ourselves!
xoxox
T.