I loved everything about my life except my job. Once my student loans were paid off,  I was ready to quit and follow my heart.  I wanted to do something that would make a difference in people’s lives.   Then I discovered my income would plummet if I did.  It seemed that, once again, I had to choose between doing what I loved and making money. 

Again, the money won. 

In 1991, I began dating a guy who introduced me to network marketing.   Even though he wasn’t making much money, I thought I had finally found my answer.  That business was the way I was going to make a difference in people’s lives and make a lot of money.

That guy, Dan, is now my husband.  Once we were married, I quit my corporate job to follow my dream.  I was sure we would be successful.  People expected us to be successful.  We spent a lot of money trying to succeed.  We also spent a lot creating an image of success. One year later, our savings were gone and we were piling up debt.  I avoided my old friends in shame, believing they wouldn’t love me because I wasn’t successful.  I didn’t have a lot of money.  Clearly, there was something I was missing.

You know that expression, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”? 

That was what happened for me.   I learned a mind-blowing system for getting out of debt.  I started studying the principles of prosperity.  I dived more deeply into personal growth.   As I did, I shared what I was learning with my friends.  It supported them as much as it did me.   So I started my business, Access Abundance, in 1996.  

Finally, I thought, I had a way to make a difference in people’s lives and make money. 

During the first 10 years of my business, I succeeded in making a lot of money.  It’s a good thing, too, because we needed it to keep up with our debt payments. I also didn’t want to give up the lifestyle I loved.  And, of course, I needed to look prosperous.  Who would want to work with an abundance coach who wasn’t?

What no one knew is that I was working ALL the time – including evenings and weekends. When we entertained or traveled, we charged it – adding to our debt. I rationalized it, convinced I’d be making even MORE money soon. Then we would pay it all off.

I kept it up for nearly 10 years until, exhausted and burnt out, I couldn’t keep going. Dan suggested we file bankruptcy – an idea that repulsed me. After all, I was an abundance coach. What would people think?

I felt angry, betrayed, embarrassed and ashamed. Despite my resistance, it seemed the only sane way out. It seemed the most loving thing I could do for myself. We officially filed in court on a Tuesday in October, 2005. I remember because it was my birthday.

Afraid and ashamed, it became my secret. Motivated, I worked even harder – this time trying to get ahead financially. If only we could create some savings and a retirement fund, then I could relax and enjoy my life. But no matter how hard I worked or how much I made, it was never enough.

In December of 2010, I was on a call with my coach, Pat.   I blurted out, “I’ve tried to make a go of business for more than 15 years and it hasn’t  worked.  I’m just not happy.” 

She replied, “So when are you going to stop?”

I was stunned.   As appealing as it was, the idea had never occurred to me.   At first, I didn’t think it was possible.  Then I found a way.  I gave up the money.  

For the next five years, I scaled my business and our lifestyle back to nothing.  We were living just above the poverty level.  I didn’t care.  Finally, I had time and energy to play in our garden, read good books, take long walks, and do things that fed my soul.  I had time to pray, meditate and be still.  I could sleep in and relax. I felt unburdened and free. Life was simple but I was happy. 

At least, that’s what I thought. Until Monday, April 25, 2016…

We had returned on Sunday night from a trip to Detroit for Andrew’s wedding. Andrew is Rob and Ann’s only son – and Rob is Dan’s best friend. Because they treat us like family, we were included in all the festivities, at their expense. For three days, we were surrounded by people we loved. We went out for meals and stayed at a nice hotel. We spent the time laughing and telling stories, dancing and having fun. I remember it because I hadn’t felt that happy or alive in a long time.

I woke up at home that Monday morning feeling like I had died inside.  I knew I couldn’t go back to the constricted, shrunken shell of a life I had been living.   

I let it all spill out on my call with Pat. “I can’t keep going like this, Pat. This isn’t the way I want to live. This isn’t living.”

“This is GREAT news!” she exclaimed.   

“Huh?” I was stunned.  

She continued, “You are finally open to go where you haven’t been willing to go.  Now we can take the lid off what has been holding you back.”

She was right.  That day was the turning point for me.  It was the beginning of a new trajectory for my life.  I began to recognize the unseen archetype of scarcity my life had been built upon.   More importantly, I discovered a long- forgotten archetype of abundance.   This is the archetype I now embrace and practice living from every day.  It’s the one I am committed to empowering others to live from as well.   

Here’s what has happened since that Monday in 2016…

My income has gone up even as I work fewer hours. I have hired people to support me so I don’t have to do all the work myself.  I spend most of my working time doing what I love – creating, coaching and connecting.  

My mom thought I needed to grow up and make a living.   She never wanted me to experience the poverty and scarcity she experienced in her life.  And I love her for that.   

What she didn’t know or fully trust is that I wasn’t born to make a living.  

I was created on purpose, with purpose.  I am here to live a life of unconditional freedom with infinite resources to support me.   That includes money.  I am here to richly bless others and be richly blessed myself.

And the same is true for you, my friend.

If you’d like to discover how and if I might be able to support you to access those resources,  let’s connect!